Good god, are we doing this again? Happy Birthday To Me!
Photoshop Cred to my wonderful coworker
^ FYI this was the birthday invitation sent out to my company by coworkers-I deserve a promotion
I’m 26. I’m still at the age where I’m not afraid to admit my age. I cried last year when I turned 25 but I have realized that as I get older I am really starting to figure shit out…so I’m pretty happy to be turning 26. Plus, I feel a lot older than I am and wouldn’t mind my age catching up a bit. I know that sounds horrible but when you prefer the company of people in their 40’s to people in their 20’s, you begin to feel impatient. While the rest of my 20 something generation is trying to find a special purpose in life, I’m over here like shit, is it time to retire to Florida yet?
I’m 26 going on 40 and I know I’m getting older because…
1. I finally understand the power of a hand towel
I never got the point of hand towels, I thought they were just over sized wash cloths with no purpose. This was until I started purchasing hand soap to place in my bathroom- you know to wash your hands-and now I understand the need for a small-but-not-too-small towel to dry your hands.
Hand Towels are awesome!
2. My routine is my life
I go to bed super early, like 9:30pm early.
There is a method to this madness…If I don’t go to bed at 9:30, I won’t wake up for my 5:30am workout. If I don’t work out, I eat fatty foods, If I eat fatty foods all day long, I am cranky when I get home. When I am cranky, nobody wants to talk to me.
I am a slave to my weekday routine which is why I decline invites on weeknights. Don’t ask me to get drinks because I will say no. If you want to come to my house, it’s all good between the hours of 6-9. If you are not out the door by 9:15, I officially don’t like you anymore.
#I’mLame
3. My Hair is getting shorter
I never understood why people grow up and cut off all of their hair.
“I’ll never do that”
Guess what, I did. Chopped all 8 inches of my hippie hair.
People, I’m about 2 inches away from a MOM cut. Help me.
4. I got called, “boring”
I told my 24 year old co worker the highlights of my weekend which include catching up on Netflix shows and drinking craft beers on the couch and she called me boring. I laughed it off at first and then went home and cried about it because it’s true.
5. Old people hangovers
I remember the days of drinking until 4am, sleeping for 4 hours than waking up and starting all over again without hesitation. Now I drink three beers and have to raid my medicine cabinet.Plus if the night doesn’t start by 8pm and end by 11pm, it’s not happening.
6. If you are 22 years of age or younger, you will think I am a pessimist.
<22 yr old says, “I can’t wait to work!”
I say, “Give it a year, you will hate it”
<22 yr old says, “I just want to be free and travel the world before settling down”
I say,“You won’t have enough money to do that alone.”
<22 yr old says, “I know I’m going to be an executive by the age of 30″
I say, “Maybe, but you should probably move out of your parent’s house first.”
Pffttt…Kids these days.
7. I hired a cleaning lady
First sign of grown up success.
8. Dislike driving at night
Hello, grandma. Scary things happen to your eyes at night.
9. I pay attention to Public Works Announcements
Trash day happens every Tuesday, Leaf pick up day is once a month and there is no recycling enforced in my town…which pisses me off.
So pissed I actually sent a letter complaining…
10. I have a strong desire to make my own food
Like pizza and Stromboli. It doesn’t matter I can drive down the street and buy it from the pizza place, I just want to make it at home.
11. I know the difference between Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon
And prefer to drink it out of a bottle, not a bag.
12. Infomercials are starting to get highly convincing
I am the proud owner of a magic bullet. I use it 2x a year.
I currently have my eye on the “lettuce spinner”, looks like something I just need.
I’m looking forward to 26, I can’t imagine what old people habits I will pick up this year! Let’s just hope 26 doesn’t bring on any grey hairs or cracking knees!
